Random Harry Potter Humor
by Twisted Slinky
Summary: If you can understand it I will be amazed - First chapter incredibly short - Second chapter about three times as long - Third chapter under construction.
1. Default Chapter

**AN: **Okay people this is my second story I have written like my other one it is reasonably short but it's way longer than my first **really **short one. Okay so this story is random humor so don't expect it make much sense. Oh and I don't have a beta so sorry about any of the spelling errors (mi inglish isint dat grate) 

**Disclaimer: **None of the characters in the story are related in any way to the Spice Girls (thank god – could you imagine more of them *shudders*) Batteries not included. Story was dressed by farmer's red dot sale. Sale did not included socks, underwear, sleepwear, linen, hosiery, boxers, briefs, already discounted items or any other type of clothing.

Right now that we got that over and done with, here's the story…

Ron stormed into the divination class, sat down and proceeded to pout.

Harry sighed. "Okay, what's wrong Ron?"

"I just read the disclaimer to the story," he said trying to fight back the tears swelling in his eyes. "Apparently I'm not related to the Spice Girls"

By this stage Ron had burst out crying.

**AN: **Okay so that's not actually my story I just thought I would put it in anyway J

Ron was sitting in his favorite chair playing wizard chess with Harry.

"Bishop," he said. "Take his king."

One of Ron's bishops proceeded to walk up to Harry's king and smash it to pieces.

"I win again," cried Ron loudly.

It was the Christmas holidays and for some reason Hogwarts was more deserted than when Tom Riddle had opened the Chamber Of Secrets.

"Whipdeedo," said Harry blandly. "That makes it ten games to none."

"Eleven," said Ron bluntly.

"Hey guys," said Hermione as she walked into the common room. "What's happening?"

"Not much, as usual," said Harry.

"Good," started Hermione. "Because I thought we could go to the room of requirement."

"Why?" asked Ron.

"Well it makes anything we want appear…"

"…So if we wanted somewhere to go that we wouldn't be bored…"

"…then we could just go up there and then we wouldn't be bored."

"Cool lets go," said Harry.

**AN: **Hey, guess what, nope guess again, nope, yes that's exactly **WRONG!!! **Actually you may have been right, but hey how can I tell. The correct answer was **I Finally Wrote Another Chapter To The Story.**

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**YAY!!!!! ***cues cheering*

Check it out


	2. Random Harrry Potter Humo Yes it gets w...

**AN:** Feel free to enlarge the text size in this story, (it makes the story look longer)

Disclaimer: The following story was written after three hours sleep. Give it a break. Readers are reminded not to attempt any stunts that they read in this fan fiction, without expert supervision. (Or at least somebody pretending to be an expert) 

Harry and company were walking up the stairs, (trying not to be pelted by peeves, who was currently throwing folded socks at people.)

"Harry!" said Hermione. "Slow down, you're going to fast!"

Harry kept on going up the stairs, moving slightly quicker than he was before.

"Harry! Wait up!"

"Harry," cried Hermione grabbing onto his arm. "Slow down, we can't keep up."

"It's not fault your legs are short," said Harry nastily. (What can you expect from a guy that gets stuck with her for nearly a year, every year, going on and on and on about **Hogwarts: A History, **or how you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which she mentioned any time she heard the word "apparate," or how she got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s)

**"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" **Hermione said violently. **"ARE YOU IMPLYING MY LEGS ARE SHORT?!?!"**

Now this was never released in the Harry Potter books (don't ask why) but Hermione had **REALLY** short legs (now do you understand why she so much shorter) and had a little anger problem over the fact that they were, incredibly, short.

**"DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU SAID?"** says Hermione, reading over author's shoulder.

*Twisted being afraid of large angry women quickly removes statement, (then puts it back when Hermione isn't looking)*

Getting back to the story…

**"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" **Hermione said violently. **"ARE YOU IMPLYING MY LEGS ARE SHORT!?!?!"**

"No Hermione I'm not implying," said Harry calmly. "I'm **STATING."**

"It's like how you 'state'** Hogwarts: A History, **or how you state that you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which you mention any time you hear the word "apparate," or how you got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s" said Ron, who had decided to join in on this conversation due to the fact that he hasn't spoken much in this fan fiction.

*Author ducks as people throw stuff at him for repeating the paragraph, going on and on and on about **Hogwarts: A History, **or how you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which she mention any time she heard the word "apparate," or how she got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s, to make the story look longer. * 

*Author ducks when readers see the last chunk of writing. *

*Author laughs gleefully at the fact he repeated, going on and on and on about **Hogwarts: A History, **or how you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which she mention any time she heard the word "apparate," or how she got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s, again. *

Teeheehee

Okay so, so far in this chapter the following have happened:

Ron, Harry and Hermione are walking upstairs,

Harry walks too fast

Harry points about, to much embarrassment and anger of Hermione, that if her **incredibly **short legs would grow more then she would be able to keep up

Hermione gets into a fight with those two (while the three are still walking, it's a **long** way up, no time for rests)

Twisted states the paragraph,

 Going on and on and on about **Hogwarts: A History, **or how you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which she mention any time she heard the word "apparate," or how she got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s

Four times (looks up…oh now it's five)

Five times, just so he takes up more room.

Ok now that we got that sorted, back to the story.  
  


"It's like how you 'state'** Hogwarts: A History, **or how you state that you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which you mention any time you hear the word "apparate," or how you got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s" said Ron, who had decided to join in on this conversation due to the fact that he hasn't spoken much in this fan fiction.

*Author stands by the fact that if he hadn't written that there then you wouldn't be able to remember what happened before I said, "It's like how you 'state'** Hogwarts: A History, **or how you state that you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which you mention any time you hear the word "apparate," or how you got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s" all those times. *

"Oh so now you're on his side, are you Ron?" said Hermione, who had now reached the top of the stairs (just after Ron and Harry though as she has shorter legs than them.) "Well fine it's not like I need you I have other friends."

"Name one," said Ron opening the door and walking into the room of requirement.

And thanks to the magic of the room of requirement a list appeared in front of Hermione with the heading '**Hermione's friends other than Ron and Harry**' Unfortunately for Hermione the list was blank (except for the title and a little bit at the bottom which said [And here's where your meant to say 'Doh!' should of seen this coming] "maybe if you didn't keeping stating, **Hogwarts: A History, **or how you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which you mention any time you hear the word "apparate," or how you got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s" all those times, you would have more friends"

Hermione got mad from reading that (as did many of this story's readers) so she 'required' a lighter and burnt the piece of parchment. (Much to the relief of the readers as it had the paragraph that I'm not going to mention, on it)

Harry laughed, as he read over her shoulder. 

"Told you," he said. "Without us your nothing."

**AN:** Now this is the point where Hermione gets really mad at Harry and Ron, remember I advise you, **DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE GIRL!! **If you wish to, then there are some of those cellophane glasses thingies at the front desk for just ten – ninety nine. (Cue annoying wows from studio audience, who had actually bothered to come watch this infomercial/fan fiction thing)

"YOU, YOU, YOU ~(explicit content, use your imagination)~ I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY THAT YOU EGOTISTICAL (big word – look it up) ANNOYING, AGGRAVATING ~(more explicit content)~ ~(more explicit content)~ ~(more explicit content)~ ~(more explicit content)~ ~(more explicit content)~ ~(yes even more explicit content)~. ARGH!!!!!!!!!" Hermione screamed so loud that, if it wasn't for the fact that the room of requirement had grown soundproof walls, the whole castle could've heard her. 

Harry and Ron were speechless from this, how do you say, exhibition of her anger.

**"ARGH!!!!"** screamed Hermione storming out of the room…

**AN: **Wow that one was just a little bit longer than the first chapter. Hehe *Author ducks as people throw stuff at him for wasting their time*. This is the bit where there's that really cheesy voice that says something like "Oh no, will Hermione be ok, and what will Harry and Ron do to try and become friends, find out next time on…um…Fan fiction dot com"…well ignore that voice, because knowing my story, I can tell you for a fact that the next part will confuse more than it will inform you.

See Ya

Twisted Slinky

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	3. Harry Potter HumorYes It's random, what ...

Hermione ran down the stairs in frustration. **"ARGH!!!" **she screamed. (No I don't like that word, what made you think that?) **"ARGH!!!!!!"**

Ron and Harry stood in the room of requirement speechless 

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**speech·less**

(sp ch l s)  
  
  


_adj._

Lacking the faculty of speech. 

Temporarily unable to speak, as through astonishment. 

Refraining from speech; silent. 

Unexpressed or inexpressible in words: speechless admiration. 

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"Well Harry you really did it that time didn't you," said Ron. "You made her run away screaming 'ARGH' " (teeheehee)

**"ME?!?!?" **said Harry in disbelief . "Excuse me, who said, 'name one' "

"I did," said Ron. "But who said that she had short legs?"

"I did," said Harry. "But who said ** 'Hogwarts: A History, **or how you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds, which you mention any time you hear the word "apparate," or how you got a **EXCELLENT** amount of O.W.L.'s' ?"

"He did," said Ron pointing at the author. "And you did, and the parchment did."

"And?"

"And I did."

Just then Dobby appeared (don't ask me why, I'm just trying to get an actual plot going here)

"Master Potter," he cried. "Master Weasel"

Ron didn't look impressed by Dobby's pronunciation of his last name.

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**pro·nun·ci·a·tion**

 (pr -n n s - sh n)  
  
  


_n._

The act or manner of pronouncing words; utterance of speech. 

A way of speaking a word, especially a way that is accepted or generally understood. 

A graphic representation of the way a word is spoken, using phonetic symbols. 

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"What Dobby?" asked Harry.

"Miss Hermyown has fallen down a fake step but Dobby not strong enough to lift her out."

Ron smirked at Dobby's pronunciation of Hermione.

"Shame on you mister weasel," Harry said laughing. "Why are you laughing at Hermown?"

"Stop laughing," said Dobby. "Hermyown is in trouble."

"He's right Harry," said Ron. "Let's go pull her out."

And so they set out on the dangerous quest to rescue the fair maiden, who was, in peril danger. 

*Author turns off the medieval show on TV. * Hehe sorry 'bout that

So they went to pull Hermione out of a hole.

They ran down the staircase only to find that Hermione wasn't in a hole at all she was sitting there on the staircase waiting for them.

"Thanks for getting them Dobby," she said digging into her robe pocket. "As promised here's your hat."

"Oh thanking you miss Hermyown," said Dobby. "You are truly kind."

"It's about time you two got here," she said pouting. "I sent Dobby up there to get you ages ago."

"Oh," said Harry. "You sent Dobby up there to get us because your short legs couldn't carry you as fast."

Annoying documentary host comes on stage.

"What you have just seen here is one of the most daring things to do near these majestic animals, otherwise known as the woman. This 'woman' is typically the female of the species, known for their short tempers and painful torture methods. This male of the species has just insulted the 'woman' lets have a close look at what happens."

**"YOU SELF CENTERED, ARROGANT, EGOTISTICAL, ANNOYING ~(explicit content)~ I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THAT YOU STILL HARASS ME LIKE THAT" **(whoa déjà vu)said Hermione pulling out her wand. "**CONFUNDUS MAXIMUS SHROCODUS **(which is a spell that I just made up that turns you into a silk worm ;))

Harry and Ron tripped over but didn't change into silk worms.

"Whoa Hermione couldn't even curse us," said Harry. "Even an amateur can perform the silk worm curse."

"Yea she couldn't curse her way out of a wet paper bag," said Ron.

Just then Remus Lupin apparated in front of them (much to the dismay of Hermione who had been convinced that you can't apparate onto Hogwarts' grounds)

"Looks like you got yourself a pair of boggarts there," (Whoa you didn't see that coming did you) he said. "Ridikalus" (I don't have the book with me, sorry about the spelling)

There was a loud crack as Harry and Ron turned into moons and then disappeared.

"Bye," he said disapparating.

"There you are Hermione," said Ron walking up the stairs. "Been looking everywhere for you. Hey we were wondering if you wanted to go to the room of requirement with us."

"That is, if your short, widdle legs can make it up there," added Harry.

**"ARGH!"** (Teehee) screamed Hermione as she started to run down the stairs.

After she was gone Fred and George unzipped the Harry and Ron costumes.

"You were right," said George. "These costumes were a great buy."

THE END, OR IS IT ? *GASP* Dun Dun Dun 

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**After note:  **Yes it is the end of my story unfortunately.****

Well I can guarantee you didn't see some of those things coming, did'ya.

I'm kinda sad to be saying goodbye to this story *tears swell up in eyes*

But it's okay because I'm in the middle of writing a new story at the moment.

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Now for the fun bit.

The it where you review my work.

Or else.

I mean it.

Don't make me turn you into a silk worm *raises wand*


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